Non-Shareholders Demand Justice After Wall Street Plunge

A dramatic plunge in the stock market this week has sparked outrage among a surprising group: Americans who have never owned a single share of stock.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped over 1,500 points on Monday, driven by fears of inflation, tariffs, and global supply chain issues, prompting a wave of furious reactions from people who admit they don’t even know what a stock is.

“I’m absolutely livid,” said Karen Milburn, a 34-year-old barista from Portland who has spent her adult life railing against capitalism on social media. “This crash is proof the system is rigged against people like me who don’t have the privilege of understanding what any of this means.”

Milburn, who has never invested a dime in the market, spent Tuesday morning organizing a protest outside a local bank, demanding refunds for losses she didn’t personally incur.

The market tumble, economists say, was triggered by President Donald Trump's international tariffs. While actual investors scrambled to adjust their portfolios, a growing number of non-participants flooded socail media with complaints about their hypothetical financial ruin.

“I deserve compensation for this,” declared Jamal Carter, a 27-year-old Uber driver from Atlanta. “Wall Street keeps screwing us over, and I’m tired of it affecting my vibes.”

Carter admitted he doesn’t own stock but insisted the crash made his energy drinks more expensive, which he blamed on “corporate greed.”

Financial experts have struggled to explain the disconnect. The outrage has even caught the attention of lawmakers, with some Democrats seizing the moment to push for new policies aimed at soothing the feelings of the uninvested.

“This is about fairness,” said Representative Maya Gonzalez (D-Calif.), speaking at a press conference Wednesday. “People who don’t own stock are just as impacted by this as anyone else, emotionally speaking.”

Gonzalez proposed a $2 trillion relief package that would include “reparations” for those who felt the crash in their souls rather than their bank accounts.

Susan Reynolds, a 52-year-old accountant who lost $40,000 in the downturn, expressed confusion at the uproar from non-investors.

“I don’t get it,” she said. “I’m the one who actually lost money, but they’re acting like it’s their tragedy.”

The phenomenon has only grown louder online, where hashtags like #StockCrashVictims and #WallStreetHatesUs have trended among people proudly proclaiming their ignorance of equity markets. Analysts predict the market may stabilize soon, but the emotional fallout among the stockless seems poised to linger.

“This is my 9/11,” said Taylor Brinkley, a 22-year-old influencer from Los Angeles who has never opened a brokerage account. “I don’t know what a bear market is, but I know it’s ruining my life.”

Brinkley announced plans to launch a GoFundMe to recover from the crash’s impact on her “mental wealth,” despite her net worth consisting entirely of gifted skincare products.

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