Poll. Americans Trust Meth-Pipe Raccoon More Than Bondi

A recent nationwide poll has revealed an unexpected frontrunner for the role of U.S. Attorney General: a raccoon from Ohio, recently filmed holding a methamphetamine pipe during a traffic stop.

The animal, dubbed “Chewy” by local authorities, has surged ahead of current Attorney General Pam Bondi, as public frustration mounts over Bondi’s delays in releasing the full Jeffrey Epstein files.

The raccoon, which was found in the driver’s seat of a car in Springfield Township, Ohio, after its owner’s arrest, has captured the nation’s attention and, apparently, its trust.

The poll, conducted by Wick's National Opinion Research Center, found that 52% of Americans would prefer Chewy to lead the Justice Department, compared to just 38% who support Bondi.

Respondents cited the raccoon’s “refreshing lack of bureaucracy” and “instinctive honesty” as key factors.

Bondi, meanwhile, has faced growing criticism for her handling of the Epstein case, particularly after promising to release thousands of documents, including flight logs and names, only to deliver materials that were largely already public.

The FBI is reportedly reviewing tens of thousands of videos related to Epstein’s crimes, but Bondi’s latest explanations have done little to quell public skepticism.

“I trust that raccoon more than anyone in Washington,” said Linda Thompson, a schoolteacher from Dayton, Ohio. “He’s not hiding anything. You can see him right there, pipe in paws, living his truth.”

The Springfield Township Police Department confirmed that Chewy, unharmed in the incident, is a legally owned pet with proper documentation. The raccoon’s owner, Victoria Vidal, faces multiple charges, including drug possession and paraphernalia, after officers discovered methamphetamine, crack cocaine, and additional pipes in the vehicle.

Despite its brief brush with the law, Chewy has emerged as a symbol of unfiltered authenticity in a time of political opacity.

“Chewy doesn’t make promises he can’t keep,” said Mark Reynolds, a mechanic from Tulsa, Oklahoma. “Bondi said she’d release the Epstein files, but all we got was social media influencers with recycled papers in binders and excuses about FBI reviews. At least the raccoon’s upfront about his priorities.”

Bondi’s team has dismissed the poll as “retarded,” emphasizing her recent success in overseeing a historic fentanyl bust, which seized over 400 kilograms of pills and powder.

Yet, the Attorney General’s assurances that the Epstein files are under diligent FBI review have failed to satisfy a public eager for transparency.

Chewy has not issued any statements, though its viral bodycam footage continues to circulate widely on social media.

“This is about accountability,” said Sarah Nguyen, a barista from Seattle. “The raccoon’s not sitting on tens of thousands of videos or dodging questions. He's just out there, doing his thing.”

As the Justice Department navigates the Epstein controversy, Chewy’s unlikely rise highlights a broader dissatisfaction with political gatekeeping.

The raccoon’s current whereabouts are unknown, but authorities are working to ensure it is properly cared for, either by rehoming or verifying Vidal’s ability to retain ownership.

For now, Americans seem ready to pin their hopes on an animal that, in the words of one poll respondent, “at least isn’t pretending to have all the answers.”

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