Running from Accountability to Be Added as New Sport in 2028 Summer Olympics

The International Olympic Committee has approved "Running from Accountability" as an official medal event for the 2028 Summer Games in Los Angeles, organizers announced this week, opening the competition to a deep pool of American talent drawn from politics and high finance.

The new discipline will feature a straight 400-meter sprint where competitors must evade questions about past associations while maintaining top speed. Judges will award points for creative dodges, sudden changes in direction, and the ability to cross the finish line without addressing any specifics from recently released documents related to Jeffrey Epstein's network.

"We've got some of the best runners right here in America," said one Olympic planning official familiar with the proposal.

"It only makes sense we make it a real sport. These individuals have demonstrated world-class endurance in avoiding subpoenas, depositions, and public scrutiny for years. Turning that skill into an Olympic event celebrates excellence in a uniquely modern athletic pursuit."

The event format includes preliminary heats in which participants respond to timed questions about private island visits, flight logs, or financial ties.

Points are deducted for any direct answers, with bonus deductions for phrases like "I don't recall" delivered without sufficient conviction. The final sees the top qualifiers racing across the track while field reporters shout follow-up questions from the sidelines.

Names prominently featured in the latest batches of Epstein-related files, including billionaires and prominent political figures, have already expressed interest in trying out.

Leslie Wexner, the retail magnate whose name appeared in unredacted documents as a potential co-conspirator, is reportedly training rigorously. Tech executives who exchanged emails with Epstein and former high-level officials mentioned across millions of pages of released documents are also expected to compete, bringing their proven track records to the starting line.

The addition aligns with the LA28 committee's focus on innovative sports that reflect contemporary culture, joining flag football, squash, and other recent inclusions.

Organizers emphasized that the event promotes global participation, as similar talents exist worldwide among the elite.

Trials are scheduled to begin soon, with qualifying standards based on the number of times an individual has successfully changed the subject during a congressional hearing or media interview. Gold-medal favorites are expected to set new benchmarks in deflection velocity.

The IOC confirmed the sport will use standard starting blocks, though participants may request additional hurdles labeled "ethics inquiries" or "document requests" to showcase advanced technique.

Spectators are advised to bring binoculars to catch the subtle maneuvers that define elite performance in this category.

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