God's Schedule Full Until 2026 After Millions of Americans Turn to Christianity

A sudden surge in Christian faith across the United States has led to an unprecedented backlog in divine appointments, with God's schedule now booked solid until April 13, 2026.

The revival, sparked by the tragic assassination of conservative Christian commentator Charlie Kirk, has millions turning to prayer, repentance, and attempts to secure a one-on-one with the Almighty.

The assassination has fueled a grassroots movement of Americans seeking divine guidance. Churches report overflowing pews, with some congregations holding services in parking lots to accommodate the crowds.

Prayer requests have flooded religious institutions, and God's online booking portal, managed by an obscure celestial IT department, crashed within hours of the revival's onset.

The system, unprepared for the volume, now displays a message advising believers to "try again later or submit a written prayer via angelic courier."

Pastor Jeremiah Holt of Grace Community Church in Texas noted the fervor gripping his congregation.

"People are desperate for answers after what happened to Charlie," he said. "They're not just praying; they're demanding face-to-face meetings with the Lord to make sense of this tragedy."

Holt added that his church has resorted to distributing numbered tickets for prayer sessions, likening the scene to a divine DMV.

In California, tech entrepreneur Lila Swanson launched a startup called PrayerPal, an app claiming to streamline access to God's calendar.

"We're using AI to prioritize urgent requests," Swanson said. "But even our algorithms can't keep up with the demand."

Swanson's app, while popular, has faced backlash for charging a $9.99 premium to "expedite" prayer requests, a feature critics call blasphemous.

The revival has also strained local resources, with Bible shortages reported in several states. Bookstores have sold out of King James editions, and publishers are scrambling to meet demand.

Meanwhile, televangelists have seized the moment, offering "fast-track salvation packages" for donations, though many warn of scams exploiting the faithful.

Cardinal Michael Rossi of the Archdiocese of Chicago emphasized the need for patience.

"God hears every prayer, but His time is not our time," he said. "The faithful must trust that their slot will come, even if it's next year."

Rossi's diocese has begun training volunteers to handle overflow prayer requests, though he admitted the backlog is "unlike anything in centuries."

As Americans grapple with grief and seek divine clarity, the nation remains gripped by this spiritual surge. The assassination of Kirk continues to drive millions to churches, prayer apps, and God's overbooked calendar.

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