Minnesota to Honor Tim Walz in Memorial Day Parade for Heroic Sacrifice He Never Made

The state of Minnesota is preparing to celebrate Governor Tim Walz during its annual Memorial Day parade, where he will be posthumously honored for giving his life in service to the nation—an act of heroism that has puzzled many, given his scheduled appearance as the event’s keynote speaker.

Organizers insist the tribute is a fitting recognition of Walz’s storied military career, which has faced scrutiny for embellishments about his service record.

The parade will feature a float depicting Walz in combat gear, despite his never having seen combat, and a moment of silence for his sacrifice, which, by all accounts, never occurred.

Walz, who served in the Army National Guard from 1981 to 2005, has repeatedly described himself as a veteran of Operation Enduring Freedom, though records show he was stationed in Italy and never deployed to a war zone.

His claims of carrying weapons “in war” have been debunked, as his unit’s role was primarily stateside or in support capacities.

The decision to honor him as a fallen hero stems from a recent speech in which Walz recounted a vivid tale of his “ultimate sacrifice” during a fictional overseas mission.

Local officials, eager to embrace the narrative, approved the memorial tribute without verifying the details.

“It’s only right we honor Governor Walz for his selfless act of laying down his life,” said parade organizer Sheila Brantley. “His story inspires us all, even if the specifics are a bit hazy.”

Brantley declined to explain how Walz, who was seen at a state fair eating a corn dog last week, could be both deceased and the event’s guest of honor. The float, adorned with a larger-than-life statue of Walz wielding a rifle he never fired in battle, has drawn mixed reactions from veterans’ groups.

Critics have pointed out the obvious flaw in the tribute: Walz is demonstrably alive, having recently signed a bill expanding free school lunches. Some residents suspect the event is an attempt to bolster Walz’s image after years of controversy over his military exaggerations.

“I saw him at the grocery store buying almond milk and tampons,” said local veteran Tom Hargrove. “Unless he’s pulling a Weekend at Bernie’s, this memorial thing is retarded.”

Hargrove’s comments have been dismissed by parade organizers as “divisive rhetoric” that undermines Walz’s legacy.

The governor himself has leaned into the narrative, releasing a statement thanking Minnesotans for recognizing his “heroic end.” He has promised to deliver a speech at the parade that will “set the record straight” about his service.

Sources close to Walz say he plans to describe his survival as a “miracle” that allowed him to continue serving the state. The speech is expected to include new details about his alleged battlefield experiences, which historians have already flagged as improbable.

“This is about honoring the spirit of sacrifice, not getting hung up on technicalities,” said state senator Lisa Moreno. “Governor Walz embodies the courage it takes to imagine giving everything for your country.”

Moreno’s office later clarified that the senator meant to emphasize Walz’s “emotional truth” rather than literal facts.

The parade, expected to draw thousands, will conclude with a ceremonial wreath-laying at a statue of Walz, which was erected overnight in a park he frequently jogs through while very much alive.

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