Sad. Politician's Romantic Relationship With Wall Ends in Defeat and Divorce

A Kansas congressional candidate’s pilgrimage to Israel has taken a peculiar turn, costing him his marriage, his children, and his political aspirations.

Michael Harwood, a former state senator, visited Jerusalem’s Western Wall to bolster his campaign’s pro-Israel credentials. The trip, initially seen as a strategic move in his conservative district, spiraled into a scandal that left voters turned off and Harwood’s life in pieces.

Upon his return, however, whispers emerged alleging an inappropriate attachment to the ancient stone structure. Social media posts and members of the district claimed Harwood had been “whispering sweet nothings” to the Wall during his visit.

“I don't even know how they got those photos,” Harwood said when approached by our reporters. “I went to show solidarity with our greatest ally, Israel, and now I’m being attacked like a twin tower.”

The rumors gained traction when a photo surfaced, allegedly showing Harwood lingering at the Wall after dark. Many started to speculate that Harwood began a romantic relationship with the Wall, as he had another trip planned to Israel in the following month.

Harwood’s wife, Susan, filed for divorce shortly after, citing “irreconcilable differences.” A family court judge granted her full custody of their six children, leaving Harwood with nothing but the walls of his Wichita apartment.

“It’s a shame what’s happened to Mike,” said Pastor John Reynolds of Grace Baptist Church. “He was a good man, but you can't have an affair with a wall. It's wrong, it's creepy, and it's evil.”

Harwood’s campaign struggled to regain footing as opponents seized on the controversy. His Republican rival, Emily Goldstein, ran ads questioning his “loyalty” while attacking his allegiance to his wife and to this country.

Volunteers abandoned Harwood’s campaign in droves, and yard signs bearing his name vanished from lawns across the district overnight. By election night, Harwood suffered a crushing defeat, losing by a 30-point margin.

“I just don’t trust a guy who gets that cozy with a pile of rocks,” said voter Linda Grayson, a retired schoolteacher. “Why didn't he choose to have a romantic relationship with an American monument, you know?”

Harwood has since retreated from public life, reportedly spending hours drafting op-eds on why America must support our greatest ally.

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