Zohan Mamdani Promises to Turn New York City into Candy Land if Elected
- Chadwick Dolgos
- Oct 1
- 2 min read
Zohan Mamdani has unveiled a bold vision for the city’s future, promising to transform it into a real-life Candy Land if elected mayor.
His plan envisions a utopia where skyscrapers are made of hope, subway trains run on protecting the greater good, and every resident is handed a lifetime supply of anything they need.
Mamdani insists this is not a childish fantasy but a revolutionary blueprint for a world where no one works, everything is free, and happiness is mandatory. The candidate claims the city’s economy can be sustained by “the universal law of good vibes.”
He points to the success of community gardens and cryptocurrency scams as proof that people don’t need jobs to thrive.
Mamdani’s plan includes replacing Wall Street with a chocolate syrup fountain and turning Central Park into a safe space for Furries. He argues that traditional industries like finance and tech are outdated and that a socialist-based economy will solve inequality overnight.
Data from the city’s budget office shows New York’s annual revenue at roughly $100 billion, but Mamdani dismisses this as irrelevant, claiming “money is just paper, and candy is forever.”
“Communism is the future,” Mamdani declared at a recent rally. “Why waste away in offices when we can all live our lives worry-free? The system is broken, and only Marx can fix it.”
When asked about crime, he suggested that “no one murders when they’re happy.”
At a town hall in Queens, lifelong New Yorker Maria Gonzalez raised concerns about the practicality of Mamdani's plan. “I like free stuff as much as anyone, but how do we pay for hospitals or fix potholes?” she asked.
Mamdani replied, “Hospitals will be obsolete when everyone’s happy, and potholes will be filled with hope.”
Mamdani’s campaign has gained traction among younger voters, who see Marxism as a bold rejection of capitalism’s grind.
His platform also includes free unicorn rides and mandatory nap times, policies he claims will boost mental health.
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