Progressive “Christian” Plans to Virtue Signal Way Into Heaven
- Chadwick Dolgos
- 5 days ago
- 2 min read
Justin Black, who describes himself as a progressive Christian, has revealed a plan to secure his eternal destiny purely through virtue signaling.
He says he does not study scripture, but he is confident that God’s boundless forgiveness will let him into Heaven so long as he amplifies every trending progressive topic.
“I am fully committed to repeating every gender-ideology slogan, denouncing every police officer, and making sure I trash white people whenever possible,” Black told reporters.
He added that he doesn’t necessarily believe all of it himself, but believes God will overlook that in favor of his public record.
Black explained that since God is supposed to be infinitely merciful, the sins of the past don’t matter as long as one shows adequate performance in the virtue arena going forward.
Black insists this plan is about showing loyalty to the correct narrative, not about theology or confession.
He acknowledged that some critics might call it hollow, yet he remains unbothered because, in his view, Christianity has merged with cultural signaling. He pointed out that most people never read profound theology anyway.
Black says he is already preparing sermons and social media posts aligned with every progressive lecture, hoping his public virtue tokens will carry sufficient weight. He claims that in the divine audit, public performance matters more than private conviction.
When pressed on potential pitfalls, Black remained optimistic about the logistics of judgment day.
"I'll just pull up my feed and show St. Peter the receipts," he said. "All those retweets and likes add up to a halo in my book."
Black's strategy has already inspired a wave of similar declarations among his peers, proving that in the quest for heaven, volume and visibility might trump virtue itself.
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