Supreme Court Accidentally Creates Nation’s First Armed Stoner Militia
- Chadwick Dolgos
- 10 hours ago
- 2 min read
A recent Supreme Court ruling limiting the federal government's ability to disarm marijuana users has led to the formation of the nation's first armed stoner militia, leaving local authorities unsure whether to classify the organization as a public safety concern or a recreational club.
The Supreme Court unanimously ruled that the government could not broadly strip Second Amendment rights from marijuana users solely because they use cannabis, finding that such restrictions were too sweeping when applied to otherwise non-dangerous individuals.
The decision narrowed the government's ability to prosecute certain gun owners who also use marijuana, while leaving open restrictions on addicts, intoxicated individuals, and people shown to be dangerous.
Within hours of the ruling, thousands of marijuana users reportedly signed up for the newly formed Green Mountain Freedom Militia, a nationwide organization dedicated to protecting constitutional rights, grilling food, and reminding members where they left their rifles.
"Honestly, they're the most laid-back militia we have ever interacted with," said Wickington Chief of Police David Dodson.
"We received reports of armed individuals gathering in a field outside town. By the time officers arrived, they were debating whether aliens or Israel did 9/11."
Militia founder Chad "Tank" Reynolds said the organization was created to demonstrate that marijuana users can exercise their constitutional rights responsibly.
"We believe in freedom, personal liberty, and some other really cool stuff," Reynolds said.
Several members praised the Supreme Court's decision while acknowledging that military readiness remained a work in progress.
"We conducted a simulated defense operation," said militia member Trevor Jenkins. "The plan was solid until someone suggested ordering pizza. Then we spent an hour trying to agree on toppings."
Federal officials stressed that the ruling does not create unlimited gun rights for all drug users and does not protect carrying firearms while intoxicated. The Court's decision was narrowly focused on whether casual marijuana use alone was sufficient grounds to strip constitutional rights.
Organizers announced plans for regional training events across the country, though several were postponed after members accidentally scheduled them during the same weekend as a barbecue festival.
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