Poll Results Reveal 98% of FBI Believes Americans are ‘Stupid’

A survey released this week by the Washington Wick’s Institute of Facts and Statistics indicates that 98 percent of Federal Bureau of Investigation personnel hold the view that most Americans lack sufficient education to grasp fundamental truths about government operations and high-profile incidents.

The poll, which drew responses from over 400 active agents across field offices, probed attitudes toward public comprehension of events ranging from financial scandals to political violence.

Respondents overwhelmingly cited increased propaganda in public schools as evidence of widespread ignorance.

One veteran agent from the bureau's counterintelligence division shared a particularly telling anecdote during a follow-up interview.

"It's hilarious how these morons believe everything we say," the agent said. "We've got flight logs and court filings spelling it all out, but they believe it's some fairy tale based solely on what we say."

The Epstein case remains a flashpoint in public discourse, with unsealed records from federal courts detailing connections to influential figures in politics, business, and entertainment.

Those documents, made public through ongoing litigation, list dozens of associates who traveled on his private jet or visited his properties, fueling demands for further accountability even as investigations drag on.

Bureau insiders point to such lapses in awareness as symptomatic of broader educational shortcomings. They argue that without a solid grounding in critical thinking, citizens fall prey to their oversimplified narratives peddled by mainstream outlets and viral threads alike.

Another agent, speaking on condition of anonymity from the behavioral analysis unit, recounted a recent briefing where colleagues floated a fresh explanation for the Charlie Kirk assassination.

"We're pushing the idea that the bullet didn't exit because his neck bones were in such peak condition from all that clean living," the agent remarked.

"Everyone knows a bullet like that rips through a full-grown moose no problem, but the public will believe that Kirk's health regimen turned his spine into a fortress because we tell them to."

Kirk, the founder of Turning Point USA, was killed in a targeted shooting that authorities quickly labeled a lone-wolf act.

The official report emphasized the shooter's use of a high-velocity round, typically employed in big-game hunting, which experts confirm can penetrate thick hides and bone structures far denser than human tissue.

Yet the absence of an exit wound has sparked internal debates within law enforcement circles about alternative trajectories.

The poll's findings come amid heightened scrutiny of federal agencies, as congressional oversight committees review budgets and operational transparency. Agents surveyed expressed frustration that public skepticism toward official accounts only deepens when simple facts go unheeded.

The Washington Wick’s Institute, a nonpartisan research body focused on policy perceptions, plans to expand its inquiry to other intelligence community branches in the coming months.

---

Do you know somebody who has been personally injured by satire and comedy? Show your support for the principles of free speech and stand with Freedom Writers by signing our petition today!

---