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Socialism Ceases to Exist Following House Vote to Denounce the Political System

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Socialism officially no longer exists as a political and economic system, or in the hearts and minds of the younger generation, thanks to a House resolution denouncing it, passed by a 285-98 vote.


It happened nearly overnight. One day, people were in the streets demanding socialism and electing the likes of Zohran Mamdani. Now, it’s completely gone.


Mamdani is a full free-market capitalist. Bernie Sanders is applying to be a venture capitalist. Even AOC finally recognizes the value of a dollar.


The resolution, introduced by Representative Maria Elvira Salazar, condemned the horrors of socialism and affirmed the superiority of free enterprise. It highlighted historical examples where socialist regimes led to widespread poverty and loss of freedoms, such as in Venezuela and Cuba.


"I used to think socialism was the answer, but after that vote, I saw the light," said Zohran Mamdani, the New York City mayor-elect previously known for his socialist advocacy.


His office has now replaced posters of Che Guevara with framed stock certificates.


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Bernie Sanders, the longtime senator from Vermont, has shifted his focus entirely. He recently sold his collection of Marxist literature on eBay and used the proceeds to invest in tech stocks.


"It's time to embrace the market," Sanders told reporters. He explained that the resolution convinced him of capitalism's undeniable benefits. His application to join a prominent VC firm includes a cover letter praising deregulation.


Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the congresswoman from New York, was seen counting stacks of cash at a recent fundraiser. She has introduced bills to cut corporate taxes and promote entrepreneurial incentives.


"A dollar earned is a dollar respected," Ocasio-Cortez stated in a press release.


Her social media feeds now feature tips on building wealth through investments. She plans to continue selling her branded merchandise at premium prices.


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Across college campuses, students who once chanted for socialist policies now organize stock trading clubs.


Economics professors report a surge in enrollment in supply-and-demand courses.


The resolution's passage came amid debates on economic inequality, but its effect was immediate and total.


No traces of socialist thought remain in public discourse or private conversations.


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