
Former Presidents Lyndon B. Johnson and George H.W. Bush have reportedly risen from their graves to protest the impending release of the JFK assassination files.
The event, which unfolded at Arlington National Cemetery, has left witnesses, historians, and conspiracy theorists alike grappling with the implications.
Margaret Vance, a visitor to the cemetery, provided a firsthand account of what she witnessed with her own eyes.
"I was there to pay my respects when I saw two figures emerge from the ground. They were unmistakable - LBJ with his distinctive racism and Bush with his signature hatred for peaceful times. They were chanting something about the truth being too dangerous," she reported.
Another onlooker, James Conrad, corroborated her story, stating, "They were very clear in their message. They said, 'The files must remain sealed,' and then they just walked away."
Historians and theologians have been quick to dismiss the possibility of such an occurrence.
Dr. Eleanor White, a noted historian who focuses on the historical implications of race on how we consume yogurt, remarked, "This defies every law of science and history. No one has come back to life since Jesus Christ, and even that is a matter of faith, not empirical evidence."
Father Michael O'Neil from St. Patrick's Church added, "The resurrection of the dead is not a common occurrence, and certainly not for political reasons. This must be some form of hoax or mass hallucination."
The event has reignited various conspiracy theories linking both Johnson and Bush to the assassination of John F. Kennedy.
Online blogger Max Harrow, stated, "This is the smoking gun we've been waiting for. LBJ had motive, means, and opportunity. Bush Sr.'s connections to the CIA are well-documented. They're here to stop the truth from coming out because they're part of it."
Another well-known online blogger, Jane Smith, added, "The timing is too perfect. Just as the files are about to be released, these two show up? It's a clear sign they've been controlling things from beyond the grave to keep their secrets buried."
The White House has not yet officially responded to these claims, but an anonymous source from the National Archives stated, "We are committed to transparency, but we must also verify the authenticity of such extraordinary events before commenting further."
Public response has varied from disbelief to calls for an investigation into what many are now calling "Resurrectiongate."
"Anyone who thinks LBJ and H.W. Bush came back from the dead are retarded," said one user on X.
While the resurrection of LBJ and Bush Sr. seems beyond the realm of possibility, the event has certainly added a new chapter to the long-standing saga of the JFK assassination.
As the nation waits for the official release of the files, one can only wonder what our federal government has been hiding from us all of these years.
Did you get a laugh out of this article? Show your support for the principles of free speech and stand with Freedom Writers by signing our petition today!
コメント