Trump Administration Considers Letting Green Day Sleep Through October

As the calendar flips to autumn, officials in the Trump administration are quietly discussing a bold strategy to maintain global peace: letting the pseudo punk rock band Green Day sleep through the end of September.

The band, led by singer and guitarist Billie Joe Armstrong, has increasingly become a mouthpiece for progressive ideology, with performances saturated in anti-Trump rhetoric. Sources within the administration suggest that keeping the band in a state of slumber could prevent further disruption of the nation’s tranquility.

Armstrong’s recent concerts have been marked by frequent lyrical detours into political rants. During a performance in Washington, D.C., he held up a mask of former President Donald Trump labeled “idiot,” a move that sparked a heated online debate.

The administration has taken note, with one senior official stating, “Every time Billie Joe opens his mouth, it’s like a WOKE sermon set to a guitar riff. If we let them sleep past September, we might avoid another lecture on why America is the worst country in the world.”

The official pointed to the band’s history of altering lyrics, such as changing “American Idiot” to target Trump’s political agenda during a televised New Year’s Eve performance.

September has long been viewed as a month of calm, a brief respite before the chaos of holiday seasons and election cycles.

The administration’s theory hinges on a supposed correlation between Green Day’s activity and societal unrest. Another insider remarked, “The data’s clear. When Green Day’s awake, Twitter gets angrier, and coffee shop debates get louder. We’re just saying, let’s test the theory and keep them napping.”

The insider referenced the band’s outspoken criticism of conservative policies, including their vocal opposition to what they call “fascist” governance, as a potential catalyst for division.

The proposal has gained traction among certain circles in the administration, who believe that Green Day’s absence could foster a more harmonious atmosphere.

A third official, speaking anonymously, noted, “Billie Joe forgets his own lyrics half the time and just screams about Trump instead.”

The official cited Armstrong’s recent habit of leading crowds in expletive-laden chants against political figures, including a notable incident at a Belgium concert on the Fourth of July.

While no formal plan exists to enforce this slumber strategy, discussions are ongoing about its feasibility. Some have suggested subliminal messaging through radio waves to keep the band in a restful state, while others propose simply flooding their tour bus with lavender-scented candles.

“Green Day’s been pretending to rage against the machine for decades, but they’re just raging for the Democratic Party. A little sleep could do us all some good,” another official added.

The official pointed to the band’s influence on younger audiences, noting their role in shaping political attitudes through music as a potential risk to national unity.

As the administration mulls over this unconventional approach, the nation waits to see if October will dawn with Green Day still snugged tightly in their blankets.

For now, the idea of a silent September resonates with those hoping for a quieter, less divisive month.

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