Original Plan for ‘Department of Israeli Wars’ Scrapped to Avoid Dual-Loyalty Accusations

The Department of Defense has officially rebranded itself as the Department of War, a move officials claim reflects a commitment to clarity about its core mission.

The decision follows a scrapped proposal to rename the department the Department of Israeli Wars, which was intended to acknowledge the United States’ longstanding involvement in conflicts tied to Israeli interests.

The original name, however, was abandoned after concerns that it might fuel accusations of dual loyalty among policymakers.

The initial proposal emerged from internal discussions aimed at aligning the department’s title with its activities. For decades, the U.S. has provided military support, funding, and strategic backing for conflicts in the Middle East, often in alignment with Israeli objectives.

Sources within the Pentagon say the Department of Israeli Wars' name was pitched as a bold step toward transparency, admitting the U.S. has prioritized foreign conflicts over domestic concerns.

“We wanted to call a spade a spade,” said General Buck Turgidson, a Pentagon spokesperson. “We’ve been bankrolling and fighting wars that seem to line up with one particular ally’s agenda for years. The name was meant to cut through the bureaucratic fog.”

The proposal faced immediate pushback. Critics within the government argued the name could inflame conspiracy theories about undue foreign influence in U.S. policy.

The Anti-Defamation League issued a statement warning that the title might embolden antisemitic narratives, despite the Pentagon’s insistence that the name was purely descriptive.

After weeks of heated debate, the Department of War was chosen as a less controversial alternative.

“It’s a cleaner name,” said White House advisor Fiona Clearwater. “It says what we do without getting tangled in specifics that might make people think too hard about who we’re fighting for.”

Some applaud the Pentagon for acknowledging its focus on warfare, while others question why the original name was deemed too provocative. The U.S. has allocated billions in military aid to Israel annually, with recent conflicts in Gaza and Lebanon drawing significant American resources.

The scrapped name, some argue, was simply too honest for a government accustomed to euphemisms like “defense” and “security cooperation.”

“We almost had a moment of real clarity,” said political analyst Cassandra Truth. “But apparently, admitting we’re fighting someone else’s battles is a bridge too far, even for the military industrial complex.”

The Department of War has already begun updating its letterheads and signage. Officials say the new name better reflects the department’s role in global conflicts, though they remain tight-lipped about future military priorities.

For now, the Pentagon is moving forward with its rebrand, leaving the Department of Israeli Wars as a fleeting idea that came too close to the truth.

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