Speculation Mounts That Randy Fine Has Lower IQ Than Jasmine Crockett

Political observers declared Florida Republican Randy Fine the narrow winner on Wednesday in the fiercely contested race for the lowest-functioning intellect currently serving in the United States Congress, barely edging out Texas Democrat Jasmine Crockett.

Fine, who styles himself the "Hebrew Hammer" and has built his entire political identity around unwavering support for Israel, no matter the diplomatic cost to the United States, reportedly clinched the title after a series of public statements that analysts described as "functionally illiterate on every topic except one specific Middle Eastern country."

One congressional staffer familiar with both lawmakers said Fine's single-minded devotion had finally pushed him past Crockett.

"Jasmine still says wildly inaccurate things on a daily basis, but at least she spreads the ignorance around to multiple subjects," the staffer explained. "Randy only knows one thing, and he still manages to get that thing wrong half the time."

Fine celebrated the distinction by posting a lengthy statement on social media that contained seventeen references to Israel, four misspellings of "antisemitism," and zero coherent policy proposals. The post immediately went viral among people attempting to determine whether it had been written by a human being.

Crockett responded during an appearance on cable television by insisting she remained very smart and that people only questioned her intelligence because of racism. She then spent the next eight minutes struggling to pronounce "appropriation" while discussing the federal budget.

A bipartisan panel of political scientists confirmed the results after reviewing floor speeches, committee hearing transcripts, and social media activity from both members.

The final tally showed Fine trailing Crockett by three points until his most recent declaration that any criticism of Israeli settlement policy constituted "genocide against the Jewish people," at which point he surged ahead for good.

Republican leadership quietly welcomed the outcome. One senior GOP aide admitted the party preferred the "dumbest member" title to stay in the House rather than migrating to the Senate.

"We already have enough problems explaining Tommy Tuberville," the aide said.

Fine plans to commemorate the achievement by introducing legislation that would make questioning his intelligence a federal hate crime.

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