Deep State Pops Champagne to Celebrate Start of World War III

A clandestine gathering of Washington’s most influential figures took place in a secluded Georgetown mansion, where attendees raised glasses to the escalating tensions signaling the onset of World War III.

The event, described by an anonymous insider as a “victory lap,” featured a who’s who of political heavyweights, including Senator Lindsey Graham, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Representative Dan Crenshaw, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and former President Barack Obama.

Champagne flowed freely as the group celebrated what they described as a long-awaited milestone in global affairs.

The insider, who gained access by posing as a caterer, reported an atmosphere of unrestrained glee.

Tables were adorned with gold-plated name cards, and a string quartet played a somber rendition of “Sweet Caroline” as guests mingled.

“We’ve been working toward this for decades,” Senator Graham declared. “World War III is here, and I’m already drafting plans for World War IV.”

The event comes amid heightened global conflicts, with Israel’s recent attack on nuclear sites in Iran.

The Pentagon has increased its budget for advanced weaponry, while diplomatic talks have stalled across multiple continents. Guests at the gala reportedly viewed these developments as a triumph of strategic maneuvering.

Former Secretary Clinton, clad in a pantsuit embroidered with tiny missiles, addressed the room with a toast.

“To the end of the old world order and the dawn of something far more manageable,” she said, prompting cheers from the crowd.

A massive ice sculpture of a mushroom cloud, slowly melting in the center of the room, served as the evening’s centerpiece.

The insider noted that discussions among attendees focused on the logistics of prolonged global conflict, with some expressing excitement over potential defense contracts and others debating the optics of public messaging.

Former President Obama, sipping a vintage Bordeaux, offered a more philosophical take. “This is about shaping history,” he said. “Sometimes you have to break a few nations to make a new one.”

As the night wore on, the group reportedly played a game of “Pin the Blame on the Rogue State,” with Russia, China, and Iran as top contenders.

The insider described the scene as a surreal blend of decadence and calculation, with no mention of the human cost of the conflicts they celebrated.

By the time the last bottle of Dom Pérignon was uncorked, plans were already underway for a follow-up event to mark the next phase of global upheaval.

Do you know somebody who has been personally injured by satire and comedy? Show your support for the principles of free speech and stand with Freedom Writers by signing our petition today!