Seth Dillon Gets Rid Of Old Pager Just To Be Safe

Zionist satirist Seth Dillon quietly tossed his pager into the trash this week, in what his team described as "an abundance of caution."

After being drawn into controversy online as part of the ongoing debate within the political right over the U.S. being blackmailed by the nation of Israel, Dillon thought twice about continuing to carry his pager with him everywhere.

"Mr. Dillon has no fear that he's in any danger from platforming antisemites, but out of an abundance of caution, we've advised him to throw away his pager," Dillon spokesman Joel Berry said in a written statement.

"Mr. Dillon has no known associations with members of Hamas, but just in case, we told him to throw it away, preferably in a trash receptacle far, far away."

Dillon reportedly carried a pager on his person every day since junior high and stubbornly refused to stop, despite advancements in communication technology.

With the threat posed by exploding pagers, his team finally persuaded him to get rid of his.

"It's tough to give it up after so many years," Dillon said.

"You can never be too safe these days. From what I've seen, being a cheerleader for Israel and carrying a pager can be a dangerous combination. Plus, it's 2025, so pagers don't really serve any purpose."

At the time of publication, the garbage container outside Dillon's studio had been destroyed in a mysterious explosion.

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