National Guard Fears for Their Lives After Beginning Process to Clean Up DC

Washington, D.C., has descended into a state of lawlessness so severe that even the battle-hardened National Guard struggles to maintain order.

Deployed to clean up the city’s streets, troops encountered a landscape of rampant crime, where politicians and petty thieves alike operate with impunity. The Guard, accustomed to warzones, issued a stern statement demanding that D.C.’s criminals respect their authority.

National Guard Colonel James Harrow described the situation as unprecedented. “We’ve seen combat zones less chaotic than this city,” Harrow said. “Every corner has a dead body, a stolen vehicle, or a politician cutting a deal.”

The Guard’s mission was initially framed as a straightforward effort to restore order, but troops quickly realized the scale of the challenge. Reports indicate that soldiers encountered elected officials openly engaging in bribery, while local gangs operated with a level of organization that rivaled government agencies.

One soldier, speaking anonymously, recounted a particularly jarring incident. “We caught a senator trading classified documents for a bag of cocaine behind a dumpster,” he said. “He just shrugged and said it was just another Tuesday.”

The Guard’s attempts to enforce basic laws were met with resistance from all sides. A D.C. councilmember, who insisted on anonymity to avoid prosecution, defended the city’s status quo.

“This is just how we do things here,” the councilmember said. “The Guard needs to understand that rules don’t apply when you’re running the show.”

The National Guard’s statement called for immediate compliance. “We are here to restore order, and we expect all criminals, regardless of their titles or positions, to respect our authority,” Colonel Harrow declared.

Despite the firm words, reports suggest that many in D.C. view the Guard’s presence as a minor inconvenience rather than a genuine threat.

The operation has also uncovered bizarre evidence of the city’s descent into chaos. Troops reportedly found a hidden network of tunnels beneath the Capitol, allegedly used for everything from smuggling to late-night poker games hosted by lobbyists.

One Guard unit discovered a stockpile of burner phones and encrypted laptops in a congressional office, raising questions about the true nature of “legislative work.”

A junior officer, speaking off the record, expressed disbelief at the findings.

“I thought I’d seen it all in Afghanistan, but this place makes warzones look civilized,” he said.

As the cleanup continues, the National Guard faces an uphill battle. The city’s entrenched criminal culture, bolstered by a web of corruption that spans from street corners to the highest offices, shows no signs of yielding.

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