
President Donald Trump has inadvertently solved the so-called "gender identity crisis" by simply recognizing that there are only two biological sexes: male and female.
Since the signing of the executive order titled "Defending Women From Gender Ideology Extremism and Restoring Biological Truth to the Federal Government" on January 20, 2025, thousands of individuals who claimed non-binary identities have mysteriously vanished from the public eye.
This executive action mandates that all government-issued documents, including passports, visas, and Global Entry cards, now reflect only "male" or "female" based on immutable biological traits identifiable at birth.
The order explicitly states that "sex means a person’s status as male or female based on immutable biological traits identifiable by or before birth," effectively eradicating any federal recognition of gender identities outside of these two categories.
Eyewitness accounts have been pouring in from across the nation, painting a bizarre picture of the day's events.
"I was at the DMV when it happened," said local resident Theresa Smith. "One minute, there was this person arguing about needing an 'X' on their driver's license, and the next, poof! They were gone. It was like something out of a sci-fi movie."
Another witness, Frank Bogus from Pennsylvania, described a similar scene at a federal courthouse. "I saw a group of protesters outside, all shouting about gender rights. Then, as soon as they heard the news of the order, half of them just disappeared into thin air. I thought I was having a stroke."
The White House celebrated the victory over the gender identity crisis, acknowledging that this is a win for common sense and biological reality.
"We've made America make sense again," a senior administration official commented, "By acknowledging the truth that there are only two genders, we've simplified life for everyone. It seems nature agrees."
Critics of the administration, however, have been left unable to explain why their non-binary comrades have vanished. The silence from advocacy groups has been deafening, with many scrambling to revise their strategies or perhaps their very existence.
"We need more trans awareness days," said Max Freeman, an advocate for anti-racist climate change. "These people literally disappeared in the blink of an eye. We, at the very least, need a trans awareness day on December 25th."
The executive order also aims to protect single-sex spaces, ensuring privacy in federal prisons, migrant shelters, and rape shelters by adhering strictly to biological sex. This move has been lauded by supporters who argue it restores dignity and privacy to women's spaces, which have been under threat from radical gender ideology.
As the dust settles, the streets seem quieter, with fewer protests about gender markers on identification documents. Schools, previously debating gender-neutral bathrooms, now find themselves focusing on subjects that actually matter.
While the whereabouts of these vanished individuals remain a mystery, one thing is clear: President Trump's commitment to biological truth has not only made headlines but has also seemingly made a significant portion of the population disappear.
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