Santa Claus Officially Cancelled After Taking Nick Fuentes Off Naughty List
- Chadwick Dolgos
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
Santa Claus has been officially cancelled by the neo-MAGA movement after quietly removing political commentator Nick Fuentes from the permanent Naughty List earlier this year.
The decision came after Santa admitted he had previously relied on short clips curated by conservative commentators Seth Dillon, Laura Loomer, Ben Shapiro, and Mark Levin to form his opinion of Fuentes.
Those clips, Santa now says, left him “genuinely disturbed” and convinced the young streamer belonged on the coal-only tier alongside people like Anthony Fauci and Benjamin Netanyahu.
That changed when the bearded icon finally sat down to watch several full episodes of Fuentes’s nightly program while supervising elf overtime shifts.
“I owed it to myself to watch his show in its full context,” Santa told reporters from his workshop. "He's actually pretty funny."
“Turns out the boy is a devout Catholic who loves tradition, family, and the Latin Mass. There’s no hate in his heart, just a lot of strongly held policy preferences and an unusually detailed knowledge of Israel's corruption," Santa continued.
The reversal triggered immediate backlash from the same neo-MAGA voices who once helped secure Fuentes’s naughty status.
Laura Loomer posted a thirty-seven-part thread declaring Christmas itself “compromised.”
Ben Shapiro recorded a two-hour video titled “Santa Just Endorsed White Nationalism: Here’s Why That’s Bad for the Jews AND Bad for Business.”
Mark Levin has been calling everyone who celebrate Christmas a "Nazi" for the past two days.
When asked whether he worried about alienating half his customer base, Santa responded, “I’ve been doing this job since the fourth century. I watched the Roman Empire fall, the Black Death come and go, and fruitcake become a thing people pretend to enjoy. I think I can survive a few angry podcasts.”
Elf labor unions have already threatened a holiday strike unless Santa reinstates the original list, citing workplace morale concerns.
Management countered that the workshop runs on tradition, not feelings, and that anyone who disagrees can spend next December hand-carving wooden toys like the old days.
As of press time, children across the country remain unsure whether they should still believe in Santa or start celebrating Hanukkah instead.
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