Ilhan Omar Claims Somalians Hosted the First Thanksgiving, Caught the First Turkey Themselves
- Chadwick Dolgos
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
Representative Ilhan Omar stunned the nation this week by declaring that Somalians not only attended the first Thanksgiving but actually organized the entire event and provided the main course.
Speaking at a community gathering in Minneapolis, the congresswoman explained that her ancestors arrived centuries ahead of schedule and taught the Pilgrims basic survival skills, including advanced turkey-hunting techniques previously unknown in Europe.
“It’s time we tell the real story,” Omar said.
“My great-great-grandmother’s cousin twice removed was the one who ran down that first turkey with nothing but determination and a sharp stick. The Pilgrims just stood there in their buckles looking confused until we showed up.”
The claim immediately caught the attention of Dr. Avraham Yehuda Blumenthal-Goldschmidt, tenured professor of Post-Colonial Interpretive History at Harvard University.
After reviewing newly discovered oral traditions submitted to his department last month, the professor announced that traditional accounts of the 1621 harvest celebration may require significant revision.
Dr. Blumenthal-Goldschmidt told reporters that previously overlooked linguistic evidence suggests the Wampanoag phrase for “pass the gravy” actually derives from an ancient Somali expression meaning “share with the pale people who can’t season anything.”
He added that corn, squash, and cranberries were already staple crops in the Horn of Africa long before European contact, making their presence at the feast far less mysterious.
Omar went on to note that Somalians also introduced the concept of giving thanks itself, a practice she described as deeply rooted in East African culture.
Without their contribution, she insisted, the Pilgrims would have simply eaten cold oatmeal in silence without ever making a national holiday out of it.
The Minnesota Democrat concluded her remarks by calling for schools to update textbooks immediately and consider renaming the holiday “Somali-American Gratitude Day.”
She also suggested replacing the traditional hand-traced turkey craft with a more accurate depiction of her ancestor sprinting across Plymouth fields in pursuit of dinner.
Congressional leaders have yet to respond to requests for comment on whether the proposed changes will appear in next year’s federal holiday programming.
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