Devastated By Defunding of PBS, Children Turn to Unhealthy Snacking and Rap Music

The defunding of PBS by President Trump has left America’s children in a tailspin, with candy aisles stripped bare and explicit rap lyrics blaring from their earbuds.

The Corporation for Public Broadcasting, which received $445 million in federal funding in 2023, was targeted in a recent budget overhaul, leaving iconic programs like Sesame Street and Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood without government support.

Across the nation, reports are flooding in of children abandoning book clubs, karate classes, and even lemonade stands in favor of chaos.

In suburban Ohio, a local candy store owner described scenes of pandemonium. “Kids are buying gummy worms by the pound, shoving handfuls in their mouths right at the counter,” said Janet Miller, who has run Sweet Tooth Emporium for 15 years.

“I used to see them reading books or playing board games. Now they’re just eating sugar and rapping about things I can’t repeat.”

Spotify data reveals a surge in streams of explicit hip-hop tracks among users under 13, with artists such as Lil Pump and 6ix9ine rising to the top of the charts.

Playgrounds, once filled with the sounds of laughter, now echo with freestyle rap battles and the occasional fistfight.

A recent study from the American Academy of Pediatrics noted a 20% increase in playground injuries since the defunding announcement, attributing it to “a lack of positive role models like Big Bird.”

Pediatricians are scrambling to address the fallout. Dr. Emily Kessler, a child psychiatrist in Seattle, has seen a spike in prescriptions for anti-anxiety medications.

“Without PBS teaching kids to share and count, they’re spiraling into destructive behaviors,” she said. “I had a seven-year-old patient quote Cardi B during a session last week.”

Kessler’s clinic has doubled its staff to handle the influx of tantrum-related consultations.

Parents are at their wits’ end. In Atlanta, a mother of three reported her children’s behavior deteriorating rapidly.

“My kids used to watch Arthur and learn about friendship,” said Latoya Jenkins, wiping away tears. “Now they’re fighting over the last Twinkie and calling each other names I didn’t even know they knew.”

Jenkins has resorted to hiding her kids’ tablets to limit their access to music streaming apps. Experts warn the consequences could be dire if federal funding isn’t restored.

A report from the National Education Association projects that without PBS, childhood obesity could rise by 15% due to increased snacking, and literacy rates could plummet as kids trade storybooks for rap lyrics.

“PBS was the glue holding our kids together,” said Dr. Alan Friedman, a sociologist studying media impacts. “Without it, we’re looking at a generation of drug-addicted, clout-chasing delinquents.”

As the nation grapples with this crisis, some communities are taking matters into their own hands, organizing underground screenings of old PBS episodes.

But for many, the loss of federally funded educational programming has already taken its toll. One thing is clear: without Big Bird and friends, America’s children are heading down a dark path paved with addiction and failed rap careers.

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