Man With Satire Site Realizes Nobody Cares About His Opinion
- Chadwick Dolgos
- 2 minutes ago
- 2 min read
Chaim Paltiel stared at the glowing screen in his basement and realized the brutal truth that nobody cared about his actual opinions on anything.
The conservative political satire site he ran from a folding table surrounded by empty energy drink cans had racked up millions of views, but every time he tried to slip in a serious take on tax policy, border security, or support for Israel, the comment section filled with demands for more jokes about celebrities misgendering their houseplants.
"I spent three hours crafting a nuanced argument about how sending billions of taxpayer dollars to Israel is actually a bargain for the United States," Paltiel said while refreshing his analytics dashboard for the seventeenth time.
"The post got forty-two likes and one comment asking if I could make Bibi Netanyahu a drag queen in the next sketch."
His latest attempt at being taken seriously involved a ten-minute video breakdown of how Tucker Carlson's interview with Nick Fuentes is more violent than the genocide in Gaza.
Within minutes, viewers flooded the chat asking when he was going to get off of his high horse and go back to being funny again.
"Nobody wants my analysis on foreign policy," Paltiel muttered. "They just want me to keep pointing out that the Secretary of Transportation once claimed bicycles cause climate change while flying private jets to climate conferences."
Even his mother, who clipped every article for her refrigerator, only saved the ones that made her laugh.
"I have credentials," Paltiel insisted while gesturing at a framed certificate from an online course from Liberty University. "I could be contributing to the discourse instead of just mocking people who think men can get pregnant."
His site currently features a viral piece about a city council voting to replace all traffic lights with participation ribbons because red triggers microaggressions.
The serious companion article explaining how Israel and the United States share the same interests sits at the bottom of the page with three total views, two of which came from his own IP address.
"Maybe tomorrow I'll write something profound about Judeo-Christian values," Paltiel said. "Or maybe I'll just give the people what they want and watch the numbers climb while my soul quietly dies."
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