No Kings' Day Draws Millions of Senior Citizens Protesting Nonexistent King
- Chadwick Dolgos
- 1 day ago
- 2 min read
Across the nation, millions of senior citizens poured out of nursing homes and retirement communities to join the No Kings Day protests.
The movement drew elderly participants who were less concerned with the cause and more excited about a rare chance to bask in the sunlight. Many admitted they had no clue what they were protesting, but were thrilled to escape the monotony of bingo nights and early-bird dinners.
Mildred Thompson, 87, waved a handmade sign reading “Down with Crowns” while squinting into the distance.
“I don’t know what this is all about, but the fresh air is doing wonders for my arthritis,” she said. “Also, they gave me this nice sign to hold, so I feel important.”
Volunteers handed out water bottles and sunscreen as seniors shuffled through downtown areas, chanting slogans they didn’t fully understand.
Herbert Grayson, 92, leaned on his cane and admitted he joined because his nursing home offered a free bus ride.
“I thought we were going to Olive Garden,” he said. “But this is fine. I haven’t seen this many people since my wife’s funeral.”
The protests coincided with perfect weather, which participants cited as a major draw. Many seniors brought lawn chairs and picnic blankets, turning the rallies into impromptu social gatherings.
Eleanor Watkins, 79, sat under a tree with her knitting group, who had mistaken the event for a community picnic.
“They said something about kings, but I don’t see any around here,” she said. “I just hope they don’t cancel Wheel of Fortune next.”
Local businesses capitalized on the elderly influx, with coffee shops offering senior discounts and pharmacies setting up pop-up booths for blood pressure checks. Some protesters wandered off to browse farmers’ markets or nap on park benches.
As the day wound down, many seniors boarded buses back to their residences, clutching protest swag like stickers and buttons they planned to give to their grandchildren.
Organizers hailed the turnout as a victory against the supposed royalist agenda, though most attendees seemed more focused on the free snacks.
Dorothy Miller, 90, summed up the mood as she boarded her shuttle, a “No Monarchs” flag tucked under her arm.
“I don’t know what we fixed today, but I got some sun and a new hat,” she said. “That’s a win in my book.”
Do you know somebody who has been personally injured by satire and comedy? Show your support for the principles of free speech and stand with Freedom Writers by signing our petition today!